The new iPhone 4 S you got for Christmas can do absolutely everything for you except wipe your ass or teleport your cold fermented corpse onto the 25 cent local bus home. Perhaps you should ask Siri if the reason you are still single is because dating a man who’s face is attached to the pavement every weekend is about as attractive as searching for a penny in a swimming pool of dog poop.

Miami 2011 ©. Thank you Tony

Here we have it, a Never Leave Yourself Unattended trifecta. Pass-out, puke, picture. Stomach acid lipgloss looks great on you. If guaranteeing a restraining order against members of the opposite sex was the nights mission, it has been a great success.

Miami 2011 ©.

Obviously this guy forgot that people see the man, not the suit. Poor innocent Michael, falling asleep while reading your testicles a bedtime story in the window of a bar on a Friday night might not be the forward thinking your employer was hoping for to initiate that pay rise or Christmas bonus.

Thanks Queen Miguel, Miami 2010©.

Never Leave Yourself Unattended trying the new Starbucks Grande Mocha Catatonia with whipped cream.

The night maybe over, but thankfully there is still a party in your pants!

Never Leave Yourself Unattended during your 9 to 5 job. Keep dreaming of that pay rise and promotion, as all the time that trash can stays empty its about as likely as a Michael Jackson comeback tour in 2011. All i can see for certain in your future is inappropriately timed morning wood.

Miami, September 2010.©

In an age of rampant identity theft, you should really keep your personal belongings in check. Congratulations on making your identity totally not attractive or worth stealing. I don’t want your wallet, or even the $20’s on the floor, in fact, I’m going to leave you a wet wipe and a breath mint then walk away and high-five myself for being 100% more awesome than you.

By Emma. Thank you for the picture Nick!!  Hollywood, CA © September 2010.

Never Leave Yourself Unattended amongst boxed tortillas. You may have dressed yourself up nicely for a night on the town but your drunken stupor, sweaty upper lip and broken corpse give you about as much sex appeal as an orphanage fire.

By Emma. Thanks for the photo Chris. Miami 2010©

Never Leave Yourself Unattended turning the other cheek. Did someone steal your invisibility blanket? Are you a shapeshifter last seen as a fly? Or maybe a member of the Blue Man Group who has sweated off his makeup? …..either way, thanks for saving me a seat.

Photo by Troy, New York City 2010©.

Never Leave Yourself Unattended having fallen from the roof of your hostel.  You broke every bone in your body on impact but saved the beer you spent your last $2 on. Excellent.

Thank you for the picture Eric. 2010©.