Never Leave Yourself Unattended during your midnight workout. Your roommate came home to find your drooling sacrificed corpse on a space age testicle and didn’t know whether to call the police, fire brigade or the X-Files.

By Emma. Thanks for the photo Kristen!!! Los Angeles 2010.

Never Leave Yourself Unattended outside a porta potty. You spent $200 on your Coachella Music Festival ticket only to drop some phony acid and loiter outside a poop portal. Your only chance of happiness is to find a girl who is really tripping and convince her you are Dr Who and this is your Tardis which can transport you both to any point in time and space,……. but only if you’re both naked!

By Emma. Thanks for the picture Ian Willis, Miami 2010©.

Never Leave Yourself Unattended under the disillusionment that you successfully made it to your bed. The only thing between me and my hotel room are your neatly folded clothes and naked fermented corpse, an excusable explanation for this would be if George Michael had ordered room service!!

By Emma. Thanks Matthew great job!! 2010©

Never Leave Yourself Unattended at work. Everyday is like an acid trip at ROSS, unless the office building across the street suddenly decided on a dress like a Skittle day, you’re not making any money. Pack up your tired self and head home.

By Emma, Thanks for taking the picture Mark. Peru 2009©

Never Leave Yourself Unattended having a food baby. You are fully dilated and ready to pop out that ground beef stew over rice. I hear after you give birth, with the right exercise you can get your body back to shape in no time. You will be burning those elasticated waist jean shorts by the end of the month.

By Emma. Miami 2009©

Never Leave Yourself Unattended whilst performing legal euthanasia. You successfully drank the overdose amount of 300 milligrams of caffeine combined with smoking enough coffin nails to make your insides collapse like a dried up sand castle. Your wife gets the insurance money, you beat the system and i have a picture for my website. Everyone is a winner.

By Emma. Thanks for the picture Mila, Miami 2009©

Never Leave Yourself Unattended when your only grip on reality is your grip on the bar. Even the most adorable puppies have a hard time making shoelace drool look cute, unless of course you were going for the lonely rabid narcoleptic look……..P.S. It’s 2009, baseball cap with dress pants and a shirt just cries receding hairline denial.

By Emma Carascon, thanks for the photo Nina, Miami 2009©.

Never Leave Yourself Unattended after the most amazing night of your life. You successfully convinced me to look forward to growing old as life only get’s better. I can only dream of the story to be told to your grandchildren around the fire this Christmas as to how you woke up one morning in the driving seat of your car with a monsterous hangover, a crick in your neck, your zipper undone, the faint smell of stripper perfume, walking cane anticipating your eventual exit and your picture on a website!!!! Please invite me next time you go out!!!

By Emma Carascon, thanks for the photo Eric!!! Miami 2009©

Never Leave Yourself Unattended around your bag of treats on Halloween!! How considerate of you to make my thieving getaway easier by supplying the suitcase. The treats may have been on you but the tricks on me tomorrow when i wake up with lung cancer and diabetes!!

By Emma Carascon, thanks for taking the Picture Mark! Cusco, Peru 2009©.

Never Leave Yourself Unattended during nocturnal emissions!! Im in full support of wet dreams in the privacy of your own home, but waking up with a dry mouth and wet crotch in public will not increase your chances of finding that special someone.

By Emma Carascon, thank you for the picture Billy and Kaori, Japan 2009©.