Never Leave Yourself Unattended

Bringing back sleeping with one eye open.....

Ivan-der the table!


Ivan brings a whole new meaning to ‘vegetative state’. He’s obviously one banana short of a fruit salad, or a few oranges short of a bushel, or a couple pineapples shy of a luau…….i could be here all day.

“Come On Baby, Don’t Fear The Grocer”


Dude, I’m just saying, business might improve if people didn’t feel like they were going to get a ninja throwing star to the neck just for reaching for the Ramen Noodles.

Panty Who’s?


If you ever wondered in life who actually lives up to the saying …”When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”….its this guy. Trying to put any other reasoning behind this photo will make your eyeballs melt and your brain turn to dust.

Thank you Ben, Miami Beach. © 2012

Stupor Hero?


Having watched the Marvel Superhero movies recently. When it comes to real life, why is the Superhero the guy drooling on the McDonalds window with the tight pant frontal wedgie, fake foam muscles and the mystery meat burger breath?

Thanks Martin, Brighton, England 2012©

Mans Breast Friend?


Someone once said “A woman without breasts is like a bed without pillows.” If this is the case this pooch not only scored the King Tempurpedic  but also the penthouse suite. Does anyone else crave big pink marshmallows all of a sudden? Nom nom nom nom…

Photo credit Adam Roth. 2012©

iMissed The Bus…


The new iPhone 4 S you got for Christmas can do absolutely everything for you except wipe your ass or teleport your cold fermented corpse onto the 25 cent local bus home. Perhaps you should ask Siri if the reason you are still single is because dating a man who’s face is attached to the pavement every weekend is about as attractive as searching for a penny in a swimming pool of dog poop.

Miami 2011 ©. Thank you Tony :)

Maximus Vomitus Unattractiveus!

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Here we have it, a Never Leave Yourself Unattended trifecta. Pass-out, puke, picture. Stomach acid lipgloss looks great on you. If guaranteeing a restraining order against members of the opposite sex was your mission tonight, it has been a great success.

Miami 2011 ©.

Business As Usual!!

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Obviously this guy forgot that people see the man, not the suit. Poor innocent Michael, falling asleep while reading your testicles a bedtime story in the window of a bar on a Friday night might not be the forward thinking your employer was hoping for to initiate that pay rise or Christmas bonus.

Thanks Queen Miguel, Miami 2010©.



Never Leave Yourself Unattended trying the new Starbucks Grande Mocha Catatonia with whipped cream.

Disco Balls!!


The night maybe over, but thankfully there is still a party in your pants!